ASKING for forgiveness is the common practice during Raya, where it is often associated with saying out loud the phrase 'Maaf Zahir dan Batin' by the people asking for forgiveness. It means asking for forgiveness from the external (zahir) and internal (batin) aspects.
However, we discuss the psychology behind this practice, and whether the amount of sincerity applies the same during practices outside of the Syawal month.
From an Islamic perspective, Islamic religous teacher Rohani Hasan said that the practice of asking for forgiveness is highly encouraged in Islam and is considered a noble conduct.
"Raya is not just about new clothes and food; it's about renewing connections and fostering peace," she said.
Muslims are not free from mistakes, be it against Allah or fellow human beings. Citing Surah Al-Imran, she said that the best of humans are those who are aware of their mistakes, repent and strive not to repeat them.
To offer a truly sincere apology, one must approach it with genuine sincerity and humility, express full awareness and remorse for the mistake, and, when necessary, explicitly acknowledge the wrongdoing. This should be followed by a firm commitment to not repeat the same mistake.
She also emphasised that forgiveness carries its own ethical duties. Those offering forgiveness must do so genuinely, consciously release past grievances, avoid resurrecting old mistakes, and take proactive steps to rebuild the relationship.
However, Rohani further noted that some individuals struggle to grasp the true essence of apologising or forgiving, as their judgment may be clouded by anger.
"Those who understand its importance take it seriously," she said.
When it comes to the benefits of forgiving others with sincerity, she noted improving family relations, bringing emotional relief, making interactions smoother and restoring peaceful relationships as among the benefits. Muslims who practice it would also be granted great rewards in the world and the Hereafter.
"Allah promises immense rewards, including entry into Paradise, for those who forgive and refrain from anger," she said, quoting from Surah Al-Imran.
She also said that while some might view forgiveness as a sign of weakness, she defied it by saying that it is a noble and grand act that works as a ticket to paradise and protection from hellfire.
The practice of seeking and granting forgiveness should go beyond the Raya season, becoming a daily habit instilled from a young age. Parents play a crucial role in this by leading through example—consistently demonstrating the importance of apologising and forgiving, not just within the family but in all aspects of life.
"Children should be taught to apologise not just during Raya but throughout the year when they make mistakes. Teach them that asking for forgiveness is an act loved by Allah and the Prophet, and it brings rewards in the Hereafter," she advised.
She said that the benefits of teaching children to apologise are enhancing their social skills, encouraging accountability, teaching consideration and developing emotional maturity.
In order to make the Raya celebration more meaningful, she advised setting meaningful plans for Raya every time, focused on the reflection of personal growth and what to achieve.
FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE
Relate Malaysia clinical psychologist Sarah Zehan said living in a multi-ethnic society, empathy and understanding are essential to foster an environment that upholds forgiveness. Other than being able to promote unity, it could also foster tolerance and unity within families and cultures, fundamental aspects of Malaysian culture.
She also said that those with better psychological health are able to seek and grant forgiveness better than those with lower psychological health. Psychologically, the act of asking for forgiveness and forgiving is associated with emotional burdens being released such as guilt and anger, contributing to reduced anxiety and resentment aside from improved relationships.
She emphasised the importance of doing so sincerely to achieve the full effect of the practice. During Raya, she said that Raya is a timely reminder to reflect on and renew relationships with loved ones.
"By asking for forgiveness, this tradition encourages emotional growth and healing," she said.
Meanwhile, Relate Malaysia clinical psychologist Dr Chua Sook Ning from the same centre said that an insincere apology comes from the lack of concern for the other person or the relationship in general.
However, Dr Chua said that some might perceive the act of apologising as a threat to their self-image or believe that it would not lead to reconciliation. She added that apologising should come with regret, though some do not experience true regret while doing so.
"In order to achieve true regret, it is important to be more empathetic to the person that they've wronged, likely allowing them to feel more remorseful for their past harmful actions," she said. She also brought up that while reconciliation could be beneficial, it would not always be possible, but the practice in general as well as forgiving others are important to positively impact well-being.
"This is vital for healthy, close relationships and overall mental health," she said.