Being a 'neighbour' to Rasulullah, if only for a few days
The smell of the place, the green carpet - it was the part I had missed most. It felt like being home, away from home.
JUST days before Maulidur Rasul, I found myself standing barely a stone's throw from where Prophet Muhammad SAW once delivered his khutbah, praying in Raudhah and trying to make sense of what it meant to be this close.
If Makkah was where I felt closest to Allah, Madinah was where I felt closest to Rasulullah.
Perhaps it was the serenity of the city, the knowledge that the streets I walked were streets the Prophet himself might once have walked, or simply that I was only a short distance from his resting place.
Every time I entered Masjid Nabawi, I was conscious that I stood in a place millions of Muslims have travelled to over the centuries, carrying their prayers, hopes and struggles with them.
My most memorable moments were in Raudhah, the stretch of the mosque known as Riadhul Jannah, the "garden of paradise" - the space the Prophet himself said lies between his house and his mimbar. The space is pretty small in comparison of the pilgrims who wished to pray there, marked out from the rest of the mosque by green carpet against red, but its size has nothing to do with what it holds.
Praying in one of the front rows, just a short distance from the mimbar, made the experience feel particularly intimate.
The crowds outside could be overwhelming at times, but our mutawifah, Avaa Vanja, made sure the pilgrims in her care could be among those in the front rows, treating it as part of her own ibadah. As Malaysians, often smaller in build than pilgrims from other countries, we could easily be pushed aside or have our places in the queue taken.
Once I stepped into Raudhah, there was a calm difficult to explain. The smell of the place, the green carpet - it was the part I had missed most. It felt like being home, away from home. I guess that was the feeling of being so close to Rasulullah.
Then there was the green dome.
I had seen the iconic dome above the resting place of the Prophet and his two closest companions, Saidina Abu Bakar and Saidina Umar Al-Khattab in person before and countless times in photographs, but looking directly at it again felt entirely different.
The dome was not always green: it went up as a plain wooden cupola centuries after the Prophet's passing, was repainted white and blue over the years and only turned the green we know today under Ottoman orders in the 19th century.
Our mutawif, Syed Zainal Abidin Syed Mohd Sah, said the rest of the mosque had undergone renovation and modernisation, but the area near the green dome remained part of the original structure, only refurbished over the years.
None of that history was on my mind while I stood there, though. What was on my mind was simpler: for a few days, I felt almost like a neighbour to Rasulullah - not in any literal sense, of course, but in the extraordinary privilege of being physically so close to where he rests.
Even our accommodation made that feeling more tangible. The Ikhlas.com super economy package placed us at Sama Al Masi, near gate 310 of Masjid Nabawi, making it convenient to reach the mosque and Raudhah. Our dining area and some rooms even had a direct view of the mosque, and I found myself looking towards it whenever I had the chance.
A different way to mark Maulidur Rasul
Speaking to other pilgrims in Madinah, I found many felt the same difference between experiencing Maulidur Rasul in Malaysia and being in the Prophet's city around the same period.
In Malaysia, celebrations can include talks, religious gatherings, selawat and community programmes, while here, the atmosphere is more subdued. A member of Ikhlas.com's Haramain team told me celebrations are generally modest, but the focus on zikir and selawat becomes particularly strong.
For Lonnie Abdullah, 41, a revert of 20 years, the experience was different.
"In Makkah, we felt closer to Allah. I was so happy. When I entered Raudhah, I could not stop crying. I managed to pray and make doa in the first saf, so close to the mimbar. I could not stop crying.
"When I performed the sujud, I felt so calm. The feeling was out of this world," she said.
There is perhaps little need for elaborate celebrations when the entire city itself serves as a reminder of the Prophet.
Walking around Masjid Nabawi, I found myself thinking about how many people had made this same journey before me. Some would have arrived carrying grief, others hope, some asking for forgiveness and others simply grateful to have been given the opportunity to stand here.
As for me, I was overwhelmed. I had been running on autopilot for months, handling the news desk through one state election after another and I knew I needed a reset. This invitation came at the right time and it was one I could not turn down.
What more could I ask for than a proper reset, visiting the house of Allah and the city of Rasulullah? I am grateful for the opportunity and I hope it guides me to be a better person.
This was also my second visit to Madinah, about 10 years after my first. I remember how heavy it felt to leave the city then, but I know I did not have the same understanding I have today.
I was younger, and my relationship with faith had changed considerably over the decade. Perhaps that is why this visit affected me differently. I was not simply returning to a place I had visited before - I was returning as a different person, with a different understanding of why being here mattered to me.
Saying goodbye
The trip ended in Madinah before we made our way back to Jeddah for our flight home. Saying goodbye was difficult, particularly during Ziarah Wada, the farewell visit before leaving the Prophet's city.
In ordinary life back in Malaysia, religious matters inevitably compete with the demands of everyday life - work deadlines, family responsibilities, bills, traffic and all the other things that occupy our minds. In Madinah, even for a few days, those distractions seemed to recede into the background. There was time to pray, sit quietly and remember.
Ten years ago, I remember feeling sad when I had to leave Madinah. This time, I understood that feeling more clearly. Perhaps it was because I knew how rare it is for me, a nobody, to be given the opportunity to spend even a few days so close to Rasulullah.
I know I will eventually return to the routines of everyday life. The mosque will no longer be a short walk away and the green dome will no longer be just a walking distance away from my hotel room.
But I hope the serenity I felt in Madinah does not stay there.
For a few days, I was fortunate enough to feel like a neighbour to Rasulullah. It is a privilege I know I will carry with me for a very long time.
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