PARENTS and guardians naturally want to protect their children from harm, whether online or in real life.
But in focusing solely on their safety, many overlook a difficult truth: what if their child is not the victim, but the bully?
It’s a scenario no parent wants to imagine, but it is vital to address. The best way to prevent bullying is to start early, before harmful behaviours take root.
Experts believe that teaching empathy, promoting moral courage, and modelling respectful behaviour are crucial in raising children who don’t become bullies.
By encouraging open communication, celebrating kindness, and providing positive examples, parents can shape the attitudes and actions of their children in meaningful ways.
According to University Putra Malaysia, Institute for Social Science Studies (IPSAS), Laboratory of Youth and Community Wellbeing, Head Laboratory, Dr Aini Azeqa Ma’rof, Malaysia’s multicultural society offers valuable opportunities for teaching empathy.
She stated that intercultural friendships, storytelling, and community involvement help reduce “in-group” bias, one of the common contributors to bullying.
“Teenagers are deeply influenced by peer norms. According to the Theory of Planned Behavior, behavior is shaped by perceived social norms, attitudes, and perceived control.
“To encourage ‘upstander’ behavior, adults need to promote group norms that reward kindness and moral courage,” she said when contacted recently.
Dr Aini emphasised that parents can strengthen empathy by encouraging children to consider other people’s feelings through daily conversations.
Referring to Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, she reminded that children learn by imitation, so when parents act with kindness and respect, children tend to follow.
She also highlighted the role schools can play by implementing peer-led initiatives, mentorship schemes, and digital storytelling campaigns where teenagers share real-life stories of standing up to bullying.
“Parents, meanwhile, can reinforce this by celebrating acts of allyship and encouraging ethical reflection: ‘What kind of friend or person do you want to be?’” she added.
Dr Aini stressed that an emotionally supportive home environment is key. Two-way communication helps children develop emotional regulation and self-awareness, both of which reduce the likelihood of bullying behaviours.
She added homes where children can express their emotions without fear of punishment are more likely to raise emotionally intelligent individuals who understand fairness, compassion, and the consequences of their actions.
“Social psychology tells us about the bystander effect where people are less likely to intervene when others are present. Teens may feel unsure or afraid of backlash.
“Parents can counter this by role-playing scenarios at home, affirming that doing something like reporting, checking on the victim, alerting a teacher is better than doing nothing,” she said.
Dr Aini further advised that rather than framing intervention as a confrontation, parents should present it as a form of community care: “You’re helping someone feel safe and seen.”
This reframing encourages teenagers to move from fear to action.
In support of these views, CPC International, managing director and child psychologist expert, Dr Noor Aishah Rosli, added that empathy needs to be actively modelled by parents, not just taught.
“Since toddlerhood, teach them about emotion through videos or pictures. Also encourage perspective- taking, for example ‘how would you feel if that happened to you?’
“It also helps to use role play to help the children understand certain emotions,” she told Sinar Daily recently.
She also recommended that parents regularly praise positive behaviour, using affirmations like “good job” or “great” to encourage moral development.
She stressed that teenagers are more likely to intervene in bullying situations when they feel supported and when moral courage is modelled at home through discussions of real-life events.
Dr Aishah added that schools should implement clear bystander intervention programmes and teach students assertiveness strategies, which empower them to act when witnessing injustice.
She also highlighted the importance of creating an emotionally safe home environment with open, warm, and non-judgemental communication. This helps children regulate their emotions and feel confident discussing difficult situations.
She said parents should respond to concerns with validation and understanding.
“Emphasise that doing nothing may unintentionally support the bully and even small gesture,” she added.
Building a more compassionate and respectful community starts at home.
Raising children who do not become bullies begins with early, intentional efforts to model empathy, teach moral courage, and encourage open dialogue.
As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure, so let us take the first step to ensure a safe and caring environment for all.