TAPAH – Raising a child amid the harsh constraints of prison life has become one of the most painful chapters in the lives of incarcerated mothers.
For Sha (not her real name), 30, the experience has been the hardest of her life — forced to raise her youngest child, now aged two years and five months, behind iron bars.
She admits it was initially very difficult to accept that her young child would have to go through the earliest stages of life in an environment so different from that of other children.
The greatest challenge, Sha said, is not serving her sentence, but carrying the weight of guilt every time she looks at her innocent child's face.
"Every morning when I wake up and look at her, the guilt is always there. I regret that because of my mistakes, my child has had to bear the consequences too.
"She has done nothing wrong, yet she has had to go through all of this with me," she told Sinar during a special interview at Tapah Prison.
The mother of four said one of the most heartbreaking moments comes during the festive season, as her youngest has never experienced a real Hari Raya celebration with the family outside.
"When Raya comes around in prison, I miss my family. And my child, from the time she was born until now, has never experienced the atmosphere of Raya outside like other children.
"That is what saddens me the most," said Sha, who has been serving her sentence at the prison since 2024.
Adding to her anguish, her youngest daughter is set to be separated from her upon turning three, in line with prison regulations.
Sha admitted the thought weighs heavily on her mind, causing significant emotional distress.
"I keep thinking about who will look after her and how she will adjust to life outside, because since birth she has never been apart from me.
"It is truly difficult for me to imagine that moment," she said.
She previously worked as a shop assistant before her arrest.
Asked about her daily routine with her child, Sha said life in prison revolves largely around her daughter's needs — feeding her, playing with her and spending time together during recreation hours.
Yet amid the sorrow, she said raising a child behind bars has become the biggest turning point of her life, opening her eyes to the need for change and leaving behind past mistakes for a better future.
"This is actually not my first offence resulting in imprisonment, but this time the experience has had a profound impact because I had to bring my child along with me.
"I want to change, set my life right and leave the past behind — for my own future and for my children," she said.
Though accompanied by her youngest, Sha said she still deeply misses her three other children, aged 11, nine and two, who are currently in the care of family members.
"I hope they understand everything that has happened and if I have made mistakes, I ask for their forgiveness," she said.
Sha was convicted of a criminal offence and sentenced to five years in prison.