The art of saying No, and how to set boundaries
Saying no isn't inherently rude or selfish, it's actually a crucial skill for taking care of yourself, protecting your precious time, and living a life that truly reflects who you are.
PAUL NG14 Feb 2025 02:00pm
Just like learning to ride a bike, saying no gets easier with practice. Photo: Recraft AI and Canva
But instead of voicing that inner scream, you find yourself mumbling "Sure, I'll try," or "Let me think about it," even though you know you're already juggling ten other things.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Saying no often feels awkward. Like we're rejecting someone, letting them down, or risking a blow-up.
But here's the honest truth: saying no isn't inherently rude or selfish. It's actually a crucial skill for taking care of yourself, protecting your precious time, and living a life that truly reflects who you are.
WHY SAYING NO FEELS SO HARD
Let's be honest, saying no can feel like walking on eggshells. We worry about causing awkward silences, hurting someone's feelings, or even sparking a full-blown argument.
No one wants to be the cause of drama, right? Many of us are wired to please, even if it means sacrificing our own needs.
Saying no can feel selfish, like we're prioritising ourselves over someone else's needs. It's easy to feel guilty for putting our own well-being first.
There is also the fear that we may miss out on something fun or important if we decline. What if it's the opportunity of a lifetime?
But here's the thing: saying "yes" when your gut screams "no" often leads to resentment, burnout, and feeling like you're just going through the motions. It's far better to politely decline upfront than to overcommit and end up feeling miserable and resentful.
THE ART OF SAYING NO GRACEFULLY
So, how do you actually say "no" without feeling like you've committed a social faux pas?
Be Direct and Kind: Ditch the beating around the bush. A simple, "I won't be able to help with that this time" or "I'm not available right now," is often the most effective approach.
Keep it Brief (and Honest): You don't owe anyone a novel-length explanation. A simple "I already have a lot on my plate" is enough. No need to make excuses – just be honest and upfront.
Show Your Appreciation: Even when declining, acknowledge the other person's consideration. A simple "Thank you for thinking of me" goes a long way in showing that you value the relationship.
Offer a Helping Hand (If Possible): If you can't directly help, see if you can offer an alternative solution. For example, "I'm not free this weekend, but I'd be happy to help next week if that works better."
Practice Makes Perfect: Just like learning to ride a bike, saying no gets easier with practice. Start with small requests and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations.
SAYING NO TO DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE
Navigating the "no" minefield can get tricky depending on who you're dealing with. With friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, it's all about finding that balance between being polite and firm.
With assertive individuals, it's important to be direct and confident. Clearly and concisely explain your reasoning for declining. For example, "I appreciate you considering me for this, but I'm currently prioritising [other project] and don't have the bandwidth to take this on right now."
Some people have a knack for making you feel guilty for saying "no." With these individuals, be firm and direct. Avoid making excuses or apologising. A simple, "I understand, but I'm not able to commit to this right now," is sufficient.
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WHY SAYING NO IS AN ACT OF SELF-RESPECT
Contrary to popular belief, saying "no" isn't selfish — it's a powerful act of self-respect. Think about it: you're honouring your own time, your precious energy, and the things that truly matter to you. It's about showing up for yourself, not just for others.
Learning to say "no" isn't just about being assertive; it's about cultivating a life that truly reflects your values. It allows you to take back control, reduce that constant low-grade stress, and build deeper, more meaningful relationships because you're showing up fully and authentically.
Remember, saying "no" isn't about shutting people out. It's about saying "yes" to yourself. Embrace the power of "no" and start living a life that truly reflects who you are.
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