Love, life and choices: The younger generation is doing it their way

MARRIAGE, once a non-negotiable milestone, is now just one of many options for Gen Z, who prioritiSe personal growth, meaningful relationships, and financial stability over societal expectations.

Malaysian Society of Clinical Psychology president Joel Low attributed this shift to evolving societal norms, which offer greater flexibility in life choices.

He noted that many young adults today are less inclined to take on the conventional responsibilities of marriage, opting instead to allocate their resources elsewhere.

“Rather than avoiding responsibility, Gen Z is making a different choice by directing their resources towards personal fulfillment instead of starting a family,” he said when contacted recently.

Low explained that financial constraints, shifting priorities, and a greater emphasis on living in the present have contributed to this trend.

He highlighted that social media plays a significant role in shaping perceptions of relationships and marriage, often amplifying both the good and the bad.

“It also doesn’t help that we see so much drama involving married couples, including ugly legal battles. Social media has a way of magnifying both the beautiful and the disastrous aspects of relationships,” he added.

Low stressed that when couples in long-term relationships face challenges, they often assume their relationship is destined to fail.

For some, the idea of serious commitment is delayed by the belief that there is no ‘right age’ to settle down. Low stated that past generations adhered to traditional timelines due to historical factors, such as post-war rebuilding efforts, but these expectations no longer apply in modern society.

“Fast forward to 2025, and you start to realise that those societal rules we lived with before don't always have to apply anymore.

“We’re given so much leeway and freedom because in many cases, in different ways, we have so much more resources to draw upon, which means, more options and different choices.

However, there is also a growing number of individuals who reject the idea of marriage or romantic relationships altogether.

Low pointed out that personal experiences, past trauma, and family history often shape these decisions.

“Some avoid relationships because they’ve witnessed their parents’ destructive marriage, while others fear passing on their own trauma. Others believe they’d make poor parents or feel the world is too chaotic to bring a child into,” he added.

While some Gen Z individuals cite fear of failure or heartbreak as reasons for avoiding commitment, Low encouraged self-reflection as a means to overcome these anxieties.

“Rejection hurts no matter who you are. Understanding why and how it affects you is key to healing. Therapy, talking to friends, mindfulness practices, or even journaling can help process emotions and build healthier relationships,” he said.

Recent statistics from the Department of Statistics Malaysia (DOSM) indicate a significant decline in marriage rates, with the number of registered marriages dropping from 215,022 in 2022 to 188,100 in 2023, a 12.5 per cent decrease.

The crude marriage rate also fell from 6.6 per thousand in 2022 to 5.7 in 2023.

Low acknowledged that this trend, if sustained, could have long-term implications for Malaysia’s demographic and economic future, potentially mirroring challenges faced by countries like Japan, where declining birth rates have led to labor shortages and economic strain.

“This is a reality for many developed or rapidly developing nations. The need for large families has decreased due to economic shifts.

“In the past, big families meant more hands for labour. Today, many jobs require fewer people, and the necessity for large families has diminished,” he said.

When asked about what Gen Z looks for in relationships, Low admitted that preferences are highly individual. However, he noted that shared goals and mutual support appear to be common priorities among younger generations.

“With society championing personal ambitions, many seek partners who support their pursuits and share similar life views,” he added.

Social media and dating apps have transformed modern relationships, making dating more convenient and fast-paced. Low likened the shift to comparing a steak dinner to a fast-food meal, highlighting how quickly young adults navigate relationships today.

However, he stressed that this isn't necessarily a negative change.

With greater assertiveness, he said individuals are more aware of what they seek in a partner. While they may go through more relationships before settling down, Low pointed out that this process ultimately leads to stronger, more compatible matches.

As societal expectations continue to evolve, Low emphasised that the definition of a fulfilling life varies for each individual.

“At the end of the day, happiness is subjective. If a decision makes you happy, go for it,” he said.