Nothing prepares you for this: A young father’s raw take on parenthood
For Syahmi Hasli, fatherhood has been a life-changing, eye-opening journey.
DANIAL HAKIM
Becoming a father for the first time changes everything from your routines, your relationships, your identity and for Syahmi Hasli, a 27-year-old recent father, the experience has been overwhelming, enlightening, and incredibly humbling.
In his own candid words, Syahmi breaks down the unfiltered reality of new fatherhood, from emotional upheaval to financial shock, and why stepping up matters more than being perfect.
Buckle up for the ride
One of the first things Syahmi learned as a new dad is that you’re never really in control. Parenthood, especially in the early stages, is chaotic and unpredictable.
"Be ready to roll with unusual and unexpected changes at all times.
“With pregnancy and young children you're on a roller coaster you don't control, and you can't ever get off. You've gotta let go and roll with it or it will stress you out," he told Sinar Daily.
Letting go of expectations and embracing the mess is the only way to survive.
Welcome to parenthood
For many new fathers, one of the most jarring parts of the transition is the loss of freedom and identity.
As many fathers share this experience, most of their old life is over but that’s not a bad thing. For Syahmi, he felt and understood this transition immediately.
"Be aware that properly raising a kid will end your life as you know it.
"I used to play football almost every week with my buddies but I quit all of my hobbies and barely spoke to any friends (or even anyone at all) for the first months of my firstborn.
"I have brought back a few of my simpler hobbies but a lot of what I used to be is in storage permanently. Going out to play football twice a week is not happening when you're a new dad," he admitted.
Still, he finds comfort in accepting that this new chapter, while different, has its own rewards.
It costs more than you think
Raising a child isn’t just emotionally taxing, it’s financially draining too. Like many young parents, Syahmi and his wife were caught off guard by how quickly expenses added up.
According to him, expenses for developing children and newborns get quite pricey, and fast.
Services such as daycares and nannies on top of essential baby-care equipment are considerably expensive, especially when said services are somewhat mandatory for parents that are juggling day jobs and other life commitments.
"It was a shock for me at first to find out that baby stuff is very expensive. And even then, you’ll probably wind up buying like 5 strollers.
“I have two at the moment and I still feel like it might not be enough because what if the next child comes along and they're twins? Or if one is damaged and you’re in a baby emergency?" he amusingly added.
Despite the unprecedented uptick in expenses, Syahmi recommended practicality and humility, ultimately noting that parenthood is not always a picture perfect journey with an all-expense paid trip throughout.
"Stuff like this happens. Get ready to put on big boy boots and provide like crazy. Ask around for hand me downs. Your kid won't really care if they’re wearing someone else's clothes.
"Whatever you gotta do to save a bit, start saving. I learned that the hard way," he noted.
Housework is fatherhood too
One of Syahmi’s most valuable lessons came from watching his own dad take responsibility at home. Now that he’s in the same position, he fully understands the weight of domestic labour.
He highlighted the first hands-on lesson that was taught by his own father, which is to always pitch in and help out around the house.
"After having my firstborn, I finally understood how hard life can get at home especially when you’re a stay at home mom, bless my wife.
"You may think you had a hard day at work but whoever is taking care of the child has it worse," he shared.
Commenting further, he acknowledged that the workload of child rearing is so intense, he wouldn’t trade places even for a fortune.
"I'd never be a nanny even if you paid me a minister’s wage. That's not even enough. It's a hard, hard job. Child rearing is a full time unrelentless no breaks job,” he said.
As such, fathers should consider housework as a form of parenthood as well. The onus of child rearing falls on both the parents and while mothers are traditionally seen as the homemaker, society has long moved on from outdated concepts.
"So pitch in. Wash the dishes, vacuum the house. Do the laundry. Wash the baby bottles. Cook dinner (but stay away from maggi please)," Syahmi joking added.
You’ll never be truly prepared
The most surprising part of fatherhood, according to Syahmi, is that nothing - not books, advice, or even watching others can truly prepare you for the daunting world of parenthood.
"Everything is scary. No one is truly prepared.
“My wife and I were thrown into this miraculous new world where we welcomed an adorable human being into our lives but the steps after are anything but miraculous, we weren't prepared.
"Nothing preps you for kids. Nothing. Just gotta go through it to know. Caring about your kid and being there and helping out is probably the most important thing you can do," he admitted.
Fatherhood, especially in your 20s, is a whirlwind of sacrifice, discovery, and growth. Syahmi doesn’t sugarcoat the hard parts but he also doesn’t regret stepping into this life.
His advice for young fathers everywhere is ultimately simple: Don’t aim to be flawless, aim to be present.
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