Late motherhood: Embracing the challenges and blessings of giving birth after 40
Going beyond the biological clock.
It’s no longer uncommon for women to delay motherhood beyond the "optimal" age for childbirth. Many prioritise building their careers and securing financial stability before stepping into parenthood, ensuring they can provide their children with a better life.
If you’re having a child after 40, it’s crucial to understand both the physical and emotional challenges that come with late motherhood, from monitoring health conditions to preparing for the inevitable social judgments.
However, with the right support system and proper medical guidance, many women find immense joy and fulfillment in embracing motherhood at this stage in life. Here are stories from women who experienced pregnancy and birth after 40.
Legal officer Wan Norihan Wan Hussin conceived at 43 and welcomed her youngest child, Ahmed Al-Fayadh Rizky Anwar, at 44.
Despite facing challenges during pregnancy, including low blood levels, she gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby. However, she also had to endure public criticism—some questioned her age as no longer ideal for motherhood, while others doubted her ability to parent after such a long gap since her last childbirth, which was at the age of 37. Al-Fayadh is her fourth child.
"Emotionally, I prepared earlier and understood the situation I was facing based on my past experiences," she said on learning to gather her strength during the pregnancy.
Claiming that the pregnancy was not easy, both physically and mentally, she said that having a helper and a supportive husband was crucial. She said that the treatment for the baby during pregnancy would differ from that process of earlier children, where under the supervision of a doctor, towards the end, she would be examined from time to time to detect any potential abnormalities in the baby.
She shared that her child has become a constant companion, especially now that her other children are all grown up. "Though I did not expect the pregnancy at that kind of age, the baby being born in a good condition was considered a blessing from God to me," she said.
Born on Sept 16 2023, the baby is now one year and five months old. "He is well-behaved. He would only wake up to cry because he wants milk," she told Sinar Daily when contacted.
She viewed the challenges of her pregnancy, including anaemia and managing pre-existing conditions like diabetes and hypertension, as a test from God, adding that it was really important to maintain a healthy diet throughout the process to manage these struggles.
"I did constant medical check-ups with the doctors from KPJ Perdana Specialist Hospital and government hospitals where I had to do many blood tests, including checking the brain of the baby since we were worried if there could be any symptoms of a Down syndrome or incomplete body parts," Norihan added.
She said that she also struggled with continuous bleeding before and after giving birth. "A week before my labour, there was already non-stop bleeding and contractions. Luckily enough, I had a natural birth and the child was in perfect condition.
"I was also told early that the pregnancy would not be the same with prior pregnancies I had, hence the emphasis on preparation," she said.
Norihan said that it is important to understand that each individual would face different challenges, including emotional challenges, especially when facing old age. "I already acknowledged that my age and my emotional state would not allow me to handle my children as efficiently as before, hence the need for a helper.
"I also recite and listen to al-Quran a lot to calm myself after giving birth since I would get anxious whenever things are overwhelming. When your child is crying, you become worried, and that is the only way to support yourself emotionally," she said, adding that her husband would also support her by taking extra paternal leave of one month.
"My friend would say that I looked healthy, but that was only because I was responding to all the supplements I was consuming," Norihan shared.
Reflecting on the criticism she faced, she revealed that the most hurtful judgment stemmed from her decision to have another child. The scrutiny was especially difficult during the sixth and seventh months of her pregnancy. She admitted to keeping her pregnancy a secret until her baby bump became noticeable around the sixth month.
"This is just among the many things that bothered me, followed by worries about the physical condition of the baby. However, I managed to put all of this aside by not thinking too much about it and not communicating with those who criticised me.
"I confided in a few about how much I disliked the negativity they were spreading, and some of them apologized. I told them not to make the same mistake again. There were also many who reacted positively and were genuinely happy for me. Ultimately, it all comes down to how we choose to respond to these different reactions, especially when it comes to having a baby later in life," she shared.
She shared valuable advice for mothers expecting later in life, stressing the importance of seeking guidance from those with more experience. In her case, her mother-in-law played a crucial role, offering support and reminding her not to be alone during her most vulnerable moments.
This included both during her pregnancy and the post-labor period, as solitude in such times could negatively impact her emotional and spiritual well-being.
"One way or another, we have to be ready for the child. From when we are pregnant, on the verge of labour and after the labour. Children crying is expected, and it may be tiring and stressful but to be ready is to expect it all, including taking care of our own physical through eating well.
"I used to constantly have pomegranate, apples, dates, olives, milk and all the sunnah foods (recommended foods by the Prophet Muhammad), and these were really healthy foods," she added.
She said that she also joined antenatal classes since she had forgotten how it was to be pregnant again. "They teach you from scratch as if it is your first time giving birth to a child, and of course, the cost needed was a lot, but this is just among the preparation steps that you need to take. Save up and get a helper, if you need one," Norihan advised.
Norliza Razali, now 55, has a very different story. She gave birth at the age of 40 but was later faced with a heartbreaking ordeal when her teenage son was diagnosed with stage four cancer.
She was only seven to eight months pregnant when she received the devastating news about her son’s battle with the disease, which added an emotional layer to an already challenging time.
"I became strong because I had to stay strong for my other child (Abdul Jabbar Abdul Muiz Dzihni) and the pain of the pregnancy of my new son (Abdul Qahhar) was most of the time unfelt," she said.
"I convinced myself to become strong because of that and was able to ignore the pain of being pregnant because I had to focus on my eldest child," she added.
During her pregnancy, Norliza felt it was no different from her previous ones—free from allergies, sickness, and maintaining good health throughout. However, she confessed that she couldn't fully immerse herself in the pregnancy emotionally, as her focus was largely consumed by the condition of her late son, which weighed heavily on her during that time.
"During labour, I could handle the pain of contractions, they were the same pain that I got during pregnancies before 40 and in fact, I could handle them better," she said.
Norliza said that she felt pain for only two days before delivery.
"Qahhar was a breeze, but it was probably because I was distracted by my eldest son and I did have the mindset for the labour to be quick and easy since I wanted to help my eldest son," she said.
She also said that she did not face any postpartum challenges.
"The pregnancy was not planned but I don't feel regretful and am happy about having a new son," she said.
She added that giving birth at an old age provides you the maturity to take care of a newborn, saying that "the later the age of giving birth, the better we are at handling them."
"I do not recommend giving birth at an old age, but for those who are desperate for a child, age is just a number. I did not feel 40 was an old age when I was pregnant, if a woman can still be pregnant, then she is not old yet," she said.
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