Is social media helping or hindering the grieving process?

SHAH ALAM - Public figures face immense pressure when choosing between private and public grieving.

Societal expectations and constant attention can complicate the mourning process and hinder personal healing.

Grief, inherently personal, often becomes a public spectacle for those in the spotlight.

The need to "grieve correctly" can transform mourning into a performance, where every tear, silence, or social media post is scrutinised.

While some find solace in public support, others struggle with the weight of expectations, leaving little room for introspection.

In a world demanding constant updates, managing loss becomes a delicate balance between personal healing and public perception.

Psychiatrist and Malaysian Mental Health Association (MMHA) President Professor Datuk Dr Andrew Mohanraj described that grieving publicly versus privately has profound psychological effects, particularly for those in the public eye.

The choice between these two approaches shapes the grieving experience, influencing emotional processing, social support and long-term well-being.

“Public grieving, often facilitated through social media and public platforms, allows individuals to express their loss and receive widespread condolences.

"This outpouring of empathy from fans and followers can provide comfort, reducing feelings of isolation. Sharing openly can also help normalise discussions about grief, encouraging others to process their emotions more openly,” he said in an interview with Sinar Daily.

However, Dr Andrew pointed out that public grieving comes with significant challenges. Public figures may feel pressured to ‘grieve correctly’ or conform to societal expectations, which can lead to inauthentic expressions of emotion.

The obligation to provide updates or respond to condolences can interfere with genuine personal mourning.

“Constant public attention may hinder introspection, making it difficult to process grief privately. Moreover, public mourning invites scrutiny, with some questioning the authenticity of one’s grief or making insensitive comments, which can amplify emotional distress. Engaging with thousands of people while grieving can be overwhelming, draining and sometimes even retraumatising.

"For those who choose to grieve privately, the experience is shaped by a more personal and controlled environment.

"Without external pressures, individuals can engage in genuine emotional processing at their own pace.

“Private grief also protects against judgment, unwanted advice, or criticism, allowing for a deeper and more personal connection with close friends, family, or therapists. However, keeping grief entirely private may limit social support, making individuals feel isolated in their pain,” he added.

Dr Andrew also stated that public figures often face challenges in separating their personal and public identities, as constant speculation from journalists and fans adds to the pressure.

Many feel compelled to resume professional and social responsibilities before they are emotionally prepared.

In some cases, public grief is even commercialised or politicised, creating tension between genuine mourning and external expectations.

For both public and private individuals navigating loss, Dr Andrew stressed the importance of finding balance—sharing selectively while maintaining personal boundaries.

“Public figures, in particular, benefit from setting limits on engagement, using trusted confidants for emotional support, and ensuring they have space for private reflection.

"Those who feel compelled to stay active on social media should prioritise genuine emotional processing over the need to maintain an online presence. Taking a step back from public engagement is entirely valid—no one is obligated to share their grief publicly.

“Social media often creates a false sense of duty to provide updates, but grieving is deeply personal. Limiting engagement or taking a break allows for private healing without the pressure of public scrutiny,” he said.

If staying online feels necessary, Dr Andrew recommended setting boundaries to decide what, when and how much to share. This should be a personal choice, not a response to external expectations.

"It is also important to avoid seeking validation online. Grief is not measured by likes, shares, or public reactions,” Dr Andrew strssed.

Instead, turning to a private support system—such as close friends, family, or a therapist—provides more meaningful and long-term emotional support.

“Seeking professional guidance can be particularly beneficial, especially for public figures navigating both personal loss and public expectations. Mental health professionals offer private, non-judgmental support that social media cannot.

“Ultimately, grief has no timeline or set rules. Whether one chooses to share openly or keep their mourning private, the most important thing is to allow oneself the space and support needed to heal,” he added.