Why adult friendships don’t need constant contact to be real

As we grow older, our priorities shift, careers take off, families expand and responsibilities pile up. In the midst of all that, maintaining friendships can feel overwhelming.

But here’s the truth many adults come to realise: friendships don’t have to be loud, frequent or full of constant interaction to be real and fulfilling.

The definition of closeness evolves over time. It’s no longer about texting every day or seeing each other every weekend. In fact, many mature friendships thrive on mutual understanding, respect for each other’s time and trust that the bond remains strong even during long silences.

Low-maintenance friendships are often the most enduring ones. They don’t rely on keeping score or demanding constant attention.

So, what does it take to sustain and value friendships as adults? Here are some important things to keep in mind:

1. Friendship isn’t measured by frequency

You don’t need to speak every day to be close. Some of the deepest connections are built on shared history, mutual support and emotional safety, not the number of texts sent

2. Silence Doesn’t Mean Distance

A few weeks or even months of silence don’t mean the friendship is over. The beauty of mature friendships is that they understand life gets busy and they don’t panic during quiet spells.

3. Don’t Keep Score

Avoid keeping tabs on who reached out first, who replied faster or who remembered birthdays. Adult friendships flourish when there’s no pressure to prove effort. It’s about understanding and grace, not obligation.

4. Redefine What Closeness Looks Like

In your 20s, 30s and beyond, closeness might look like a quick meme exchange, a five-minute voice note or a comment on a social media post. These small acts still count, they show you’re thinking of each other.

5. Quality Over Quantity

It’s not about how often you meet, but the quality of time spent together. One sincere, honest conversation over coffee can outweigh weeks of surface-level chats.

6. Emotional Safety is Key

The best adult friendships are those where you feel safe to be yourself, express your feelings without judgment and receive support when you need it most, even if it’s been a while.

7. Adapt to Changing Phases of Life

Friendships change with time. Marriage, parenthood, career shifts or even relocating abroad will naturally affect how often you connect and that’s okay. A strong friendship adapts and grows, not withers.

8. Accept That Some Friendships Fade and That’s Normal

Not every friendship will last forever and that’s a part of growing up. Don’t force connections that no longer serve your well-being. Instead, focus your energy on the ones that do.

Many adults are living proof that meaningful friendships don’t require constant presence to stay strong.

For Shalinni, 28, the strength of her friendship doesn’t lie in frequent meetups or constant messaging. She has maintained a close bond with her best friends for over two decades, even though they now live in different cities.

Physical separation hasn’t weakened their connection. Instead, she credits the depth of their understanding and the help of technology especially social media for keeping them close.

“My best friends and I have been friends for 20 years. We don’t live in the same city; we’re miles apart but our friendship remains strong.

"We only meet once or twice a year and each time it’s like we meet every day. Thanks to social media, we can keep in touch daily without actually meeting.

It’s not about who’s reaching out first, it’s about genuine friendship," she said.

Meanwhile, Nurul Shahidah who works as a pre-school teacher views friendship in adulthood as a crucial emotional support system.

She believes a best friend at this stage in life isn’t a childish notion, it’s a necessity.

For her, a mature friendship is built on the ability to confide in someone without fear of judgment and to have a reliable companion through both joy and hardship.

“Friendship is about deep understanding with someone you can share everything with. I believe having a best friend at this age is important. It’s not childish, but a mature connection.

"Everyone needs a good companion to share your happiness and also your problems," she said.